六級作文點(diǎn)評

Thanks for the job offer, but I can't

在本期大學(xué)英語四六級考試專欄中，復(fù)旦大學(xué)夏國佐教授對讀者題為"A letter declining a job offer"的作文進(jìn)行了講評和改寫。這是2005年12月六級考試的作文題目。作文部分總分15分，按照評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn),這篇文章的得分是8分。

Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a letter to a company declining a job offer. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below:

1. 對公司提供職位表示感謝

2. 解釋為何不能接受所提供的職位

3. 希望予以諒解，并表達(dá)對公司的良好祝愿

讀者原文

Dear Sir:

I'm writing you this letter to express my heartfelt thanks for offering me the post. I have always longed for the chance of working and studying in your company. But another reason prevent me from having the pleasure to accept the job offer.

As you know, I came from a small village where is poor and backward. The villagers are living a steadfast and assiduous life now and no college students would like to go there and help them out. So I think it's my duty to go back to my hometown and do my best to help the villagers live a better life.

For this, I'm awfully sorry that I have to give up the golden opportunity to work in your company which is well-known both at home and abroad. I hope you can understand and forgive me for the job offer. Also I wish your company becoming more prosperous every day.

Best wishes.

Yours sincerely,

Kate

改寫后的文章

Dear Sir:

I'm writing you this letter to express my heartfelt thanks for offering me the post. I have always longed for a chance to work in your company. But one thing prevents me from having the pleasure of accepting the job offer.

As you probably know from my resume, I came from a small village, which is poor and backward. The villagers have been living a hard life but no college graduates return there and help them out. So, I think it's my duty to go back to my hometown and do my best to help the villagers live a better life.

For this, I have to give up the golden opportunity to work in your company, which is well-known both at home and abroad. I hope you can understand my decision and forgive me for refusing the job offer. Meanwhile, I hope your company will become more prosperous with each passing day.

Best wishes,

Yours sincerely,

Kate

夏教授的講評

這篇作文寫得還算可以，可以說達(dá)到了大學(xué)英語寫作的最基本的要求。盡管有一些句子結(jié)構(gòu)和用詞錯(cuò)誤，但作者要表達(dá)的意思基本上可以傳達(dá)給讀者。從通篇行文來看，該生基本語法和句子結(jié)構(gòu)掌握較好，并已具備了駕馭長句和復(fù)雜句子的能力，對英語的詞語搭配和習(xí)慣用法也比較注意。但是看樣子該生有一些粗心大意，另外對文章的連貫性也不夠注意，寫完后沒有仔細(xì)修改，犯了一些本可以避免的錯(cuò)誤。下面是幾點(diǎn)修改意見：

1. 第一段第二句 "I have always longed for the chance of working and studying in your company"中，應(yīng)刪去 "and studying" ，公司雇你去工作，并非學(xué)習(xí)。

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